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We often think it is the big, dramatic moments that define who we are. The decision to quit your job. The breakup that changed everything. The breakdown that forced you to stop. These are the things that tend to get talked about. They make good stories. They are easy to name.
But in my experience, it is not those big moments that do the real work. It is what comes before and after them. The small decisions. The minor adjustments. The quiet, almost forgettable shifts in routine, in thinking, in habit. That is where the change really happens. That is where our power is.
I first heard the phrase “marginal gains” at a Christian leadership college. We were sat in the crypt room at St Mellitus College in London, and someone shared the story of the British cycling team. Not a sermon. Not a theology lecture. A story about sport. And it stuck with me.
What Are Marginal Gains and Why Do They Matter
The Olympic Story I First Heard at College
Ahead of the 2012 Olympics, the British cycling team brought in a new coach, Dave Brailsford. His approach was simple. If you improve everything by just 1%, the cumulative effect can be extraordinary.
They made tiny tweaks. Riders brought their own pillows and mattresses to the hotel rooms so they could sleep better. They changed the handwashing technique to reduce illness. They tested massage gels and fabrics, and aerodynamics. They even painted the inside of the team van white so dust could be spotted and cleaned more easily.
None of these things made a massive difference on their own. But together, they added up to something that changed everything. Britain went from being average to absolutely dominating the Olympics.
The Real Lesson Behind That Story
That idea of marginal gains has followed me ever since. I have come back to it again and again. When I was a fundraiser, I constantly tested small tweaks to my pitch. Different stories. Different orders. Different ways of asking. I did not overhaul everything. I just kept adjusting until it worked.
It also shaped how I led teams. Whether it was in spiritual leadership, charity fundraising, or now in my tarot business, I found that encouraging people to make one small change at a time made the work more sustainable. It permitted people to grow at their own pace; it gave me the same.
The lesson was simple: slow changes stick. And small efforts compound into something much bigger than they seem at first. You do not need to change your whole life in a day. You just need to change something. Then another thing. Then another. That is where true life transformation begins.
The Slow Unravelling and the Quiet Rebuild
My Deconstruction Did Not Happen All at Once
People sometimes ask what moment made me stop believing in Christianity. But there was no lightning bolt. There was no dramatic renunciation.
It was questions. Quiet ones. Over time. Little realisations. Tiny disconnects. A slow loosening of certainty. And then one day, I looked back and realised I had already left. That is how marginal shifts in belief work. They sneak up on you. But they are real.
I remember sitting through sermons that used to inspire me and suddenly feeling disconnected. I would come home and find myself Googling things I used to consider off-limits. Reading perspectives I once dismissed. Talking less and listening more. Each small act chipped away at a larger structure until I saw the cracks clearly. And eventually, I stepped away.
My Breakdown Was Not One Big Crash
The same thing happened with my breakdown. Sure, COVID changed everything. That was a big moment. But the burnout came later. Through a slow build. I was carrying more and more responsibility at work. I started therapy and began unearthing things I had kept buried. I began to realise I was autistic and had to reprocess so much of my life.
I asked for a diagnosis. Tried medication. Navigated overstimulation. Tried to manage all of that alongside work. And eventually, it all added up. I broke.
Not because of one thing. Because of everything. All at once. Accumulated. The kind of life transformation that no one plans, but many experience.
Rebuilding Through Small Changes
How I Slowly Created a New Life
I did not come back from that breakdown overnight. I did not leap into a new life. I built it slowly. With marginal gains.
Switching to decaf tea in the evening. Going to bed a little earlier. Changing my coffee to one that gave me more energy. Learning to understand myself as neurodivergent. Making small shifts to my work. Eventually, I quit my job. Eventually, I started my business. But those big moves only happened because of the groundwork laid through small ones.
There were days when I only managed one thing: a walk around the block, a conversation with a friend, an hour offline. I let those things count. Over time, they built enough momentum for a bigger change to become possible. The changes that seemed small turned out to be the scaffolding that held up everything else.
From Fundraising to Running, Small Adjustments Made the Difference
When I was training for a half-marathon, I saw how true this was. I had momentum. I was training regularly. Then a few small things knocked me off course. And suddenly, I was not training at all.
Getting back into it feels like a mountain. But I know it is not one big climb. It is one step. One stretch. One run. Then another. That is how I get back on track. Not through pressure. Through consistency.
It is the same mindset I used when I was working as a fundraiser. My most successful days were not the ones where I pulled off a miracle. They were the ones where I made small, conscious adjustments to what I was already doing. I paid attention. I tested something new. And I learned.
Why We Overfocus on Big Changes and Miss What Works
We Are Drawn to the Drama of the Big Leap
There is a reason we obsess over bold moves. They make good stories. They are easy to share. They give us a feeling of agency.
But in reality, most big changes do not come out of nowhere. They are built on a slow accumulation of smaller shifts. And sometimes, leaping before you are ready just leads to another crash.
What looks like an overnight success is almost always the result of quiet persistence. And what looks like a sudden collapse has usually been building beneath the surface for a long time. The drama grabs our attention; the details build the truth.
Small Changes Are Where Our Power Is
You cannot always control the big stuff. Breakups happen. Illness hits. Redundancy comes. But you can control what you eat today and how you speak to yourself. Whether you answer that email now or after a walk.
That is where personal growth lives. Not in drama. In choice. If you are making changes in your life, start there. With what you can reach.
I have found that those small choices add up. One glass of water. One early night. One honest check-in with a friend. They seem trivial until you realise they are what kept you afloat when nothing else was working. And if you are making changes in your life, those small actions are where momentum begins.
What Marginal Gains Could Look Like For You
Small Changes for Burnout Recovery
You do not need a wellness overhaul. You need one thing. Just one. Turn off notifications for an hour. Take three deep breaths before replying. Rest when you feel the urge to push.
When I was burnt out, I used to think I needed a full reset. A retreat. A sabbatical. Something big. But what I needed was space to breathe. I needed small adjustments that gave me a bit of my energy back.
Things like adjusting my screen brightness. Taking breaks outside. Letting go of perfectionism in how I plan my day. These were not flashy; they were effective.
Small Changes for Emotional Resilience
Play music that calms you. Journal for three minutes. Sit in silence for five. Choose one person you can be honest with this week.
These acts may not seem like much. But they become anchors. When everything else feels shaky, they remind you of what steadiness feels like. They reconnect you to your breath, to your body, to your sense of presence.
Emotional resilience is not about avoiding hard things. It is about building your capacity to face them. And you build that capacity in small, repeated moments of gentleness. This is where true life transformation begins to unfold.
Small Changes to Reignite Motivation
Do not plan the perfect run. Just put your trainers on. Do not write the novel. Just write one paragraph. Do not clean the flat. Just wash one plate.
Let the spark be tiny. Let it build. Motivation is not a lightning strike; it is a low flame that needs air.
When I am stuck, I start small. A five-minute timer. A checklist with one thing on it. The act of starting is often what pulls me forward. Not because it fixes everything, but because it reminds me I can.
Trust the Quiet Work
Big changes are not the enemy. Sometimes they are necessary. But we give them too much credit.
The truth is, marginal gains are where the shift starts. Where the rebuild begins. Where the future forms.
They are what saved me. And they are what can carry you too. If you are looking for a life transformation, look there. Look at the tiny, everyday choices that move you forward.
So, what is one small thing you could do today?
