Table of Contents
=”Can you tell me what my ex is thinking?”
“Does my ex still love me?”
“Will my ex come back?”
I used to get asked these questions all the time. Back when I was doing readings on TikTok, at least once a week, sometimes more. People would book a tarot reading about their ex, hoping I’d peer into their ex’s brain and give them the answers they were desperate for. Tell them if there’s still hope, whether they should wait or move on.
I don’t get asked as much anymore, but when I do? I still won’t answer them.
And look, I get it.
Breakups are fucking brutal. That desperation to know what’s going on in someone else’s head when they’ve stopped talking to you? When they’ve left, and you’re sitting there replaying every conversation, every moment, trying to work out what went wrong? That’s normal. That’s human.
But I can’t answer those questions for you.
Won’t answer them, actually.
Not because I’m being difficult or trying to gatekeep. But because answering them crosses a line I’m not willing to cross. And honestly, I don’t think it helps you either.
So let me explain why I won’t do a tarot reading about your ex, what made me change my mind about it, and what you can ask instead that’ll actually help you move forward instead of keeping you stuck.
The Thing That Made Me Stop Doing Third-Party Readings
When Christians Started Praying for Me on TikTok
Few years back, I was doing tarot on TikTok. Made decent money. Built a following. Got loads of bookings. It was going well.
And of course, got Christians in my comments. The “you’re going to hell” ones. The “tarot is demonic” ones. Standard stuff when you’re a queer tarot reader on the internet.
At first, I’d just block them and move on. Whatever. You do you, I’ll do me.
But then some of them started saying they were praying for me when they saw my pronouns. When they found out I was non-binary. When they learned I used to be a Christian. “I’m praying the Holy Spirit opens your eyes.” “Praying you’ll repent of this perversion.” “Claiming your soul for Jesus.” That sort of thing.
They saw tarot as this occult, demonic thing. And me being non-binary as something equally offensive to God.
At first, I thought, fine. Pray if you want. Doesn’t affect me, does it?
But it kept happening. And the more it happened, the more uncomfortable I got with it. It started to feel invasive. Like they were doing something TO me without my consent. They were reaching into my life from a distance, insisting they knew what was best for me. Better than I knew myself. Acting like they had some kind of spiritual influence over my life just because they’d decided I needed saving.
I’d never asked to be on their prayer list. Never consented to having people I don’t know doing spiritual work on me without asking.
And I kept thinking about it. The invasion of it. The presumption. The assumption that they had a right to reach into my spiritual life uninvited because they thought they knew better than I did what I needed.
The Reading I Did in Retaliation
I remember once, I was so pissed off at one of them, I did a reading FOR them. In retaliation. Like, “Oh, you want to reach into my life without permission? Let me do the same to you.”
Pulled the cards. Read them. And immediately felt icky about it.
Because that’s exactly what I was angry at them for doing to me. Reaching into someone’s life spiritually without their consent. And there I was, doing the exact same thing.
The Horrible Realisation About Consent
Then one day it clicked.
What was the difference between them praying for me without my consent and me doing a tarot reading about someone’s ex without their consent?
Fuck all, really.
Both are reaching into someone’s life spiritually without asking. Both are presuming you have a right to access someone’s energy just because you’ve decided it’s “helpful” or “for their own good” or whatever justification you want to use.
And I realised I couldn’t keep doing it. Not if I was going to hold myself to any kind of ethical standard.
So I stopped.
Why I Don’t Read for Your Ex (Even If I Probably Could)
Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you tarot CAN’T answer questions about someone who’s not in the room. There are plenty of readers who say they do exactly that. Who claim they can tap into your ex’s energy, read their thoughts, and tell you if they’re coming back.
Maybe they can. I don’t know. I’m not them.
What I do know is this: if I can connect with someone over Zoom for a reading and it lands spot-on, if I can do a recorded reading for someone I’ve never met and have it resonate… then yeah, I probably COULD connect to your ex’s energy in some way.
But here’s the thing: I won’t.
Not because they have to be in the room, shuffling the cards. Not because tarot “doesn’t work that way” universally. But because they haven’t consented to being read for. And I’m not willing to cross that line.
It’s Not About Shuffling Cards, It’s About Consent
Your ex is a person. I don’t care how heartbroken you are. I don’t care how desperate you feel. I don’t care if they’re the one who left or if you’re the one who fucked it up or if the whole thing was complicated and messy and impossible to untangle.
They’re still a person who gets to decide whether they want someone poking around in their energy. And if they’re not here asking for a reading themselves, that’s a no from me.
Any reading I do “about” them is me projecting. Guessing. Making shit up based on energy that might not even be theirs. It might be YOUR energy around them. Your hopes. Your fears. Your wishful thinking.
I don’t know if tarot can actually tell me what someone else is thinking when they’re not present. I’m sceptical as hell about it. But what I know for sure is that doing it without their consent feels wrong. And I’ve learned to trust that feeling.
It’s Also Just Not Helpful
But let’s say I set aside the consent issue for a minute. Let’s pretend I was fine with reading for someone without their permission.
Even then, I don’t think answering “What is my ex thinking?” actually helps you.
Because at the end of the day, your relationship is over. And knowing what’s going on in their head doesn’t change that. It doesn’t give you control. It doesn’t make them come back. It doesn’t fix what broke.
All it does is keep you stuck. Waiting. Checking your phone. Living in hope that maybe, just maybe, if they’re thinking about you, there’s still a chance.
But what control do you have over whether they think about you? What use is it to know? How does that help you heal and move forward?
It doesn’t. It keeps you passive. It keeps you focused on THEM instead of on YOU.
I’ve watched people get reading after reading about their ex. “Are they thinking about me?” “Will they come back?” “What do they want?” And every reading, no matter what the cards said, just fed the obsession. Kept them hoping. Kept them stuck.
I can’t know for certain if any of those readings were “accurate.” Can’t know if the cards really were showing what the ex was thinking or if it was all just projection and wishful thinking dressed up in tarot symbolism.
But what I know for sure is that it kept that person stuck. Waiting. Hoping. Checking their phone every five minutes. Living in a fantasy instead of dealing with what was actually in front of them: their ex had left and wasn’t coming back.
And even if I could (even if I had a crystal ball that showed me exactly what your ex was thinking right now), giving you that answer wouldn’t help. It would just keep you passive. Sitting around waiting for someone else to act instead of taking control of your own healing and your own future.
This Is My Way, Not THE Way
Look, I’m not saying my approach is the only valid one. I’m not claiming I’ve figured out the One True Way to do tarot and everyone else is wrong.
There are readers out there who work differently. Who say they can and do read for third parties. Who believe predicting the future is not only possible but helpful.
That’s their practice. Their ethics. Their choice.
But this is mine.
I think my way is the most ethical. The most helpful for the client. Because if we believe people have autonomy and free will, then what’s the point of predicting a fixed future? Either you believe it and become complacent, or you try to fight it and stress yourself out, or you pin all your hope on something that might not happen.
None of that helps you take control of your own life.
So yeah, this is how I work. Take it or leave it.
What You’re Actually Asking When You Ask About Your Ex
When someone asks me to do a tarot reading about their ex, they’re usually not really asking what their ex is thinking. Not deep down.
They’re asking:
- Am I allowed to move on?
- Is it okay to let go?
- Do I deserve better than this?
- Will I ever feel okay again?
Those are the real questions. And those are questions I CAN help with.
The Question Beneath the Question
“What is my ex thinking?” really means “Am I worth thinking about?”
“Will my ex come back?” really means “Am I enough as I am, or do I need them to validate me?”
“Does my ex still love me?” really means “Am I lovable?”
And here’s the thing: a tarot reading about your ex can’t answer those questions. Only you can.
But tarot can help you explore them. Can help you see the patterns that got you here. Can help you understand what you need to heal and move forward.
What I Can Actually Help With
So if I won’t tell you what your ex is thinking, what WILL I do in a tarot reading about your ex?
I’ll help you understand YOUR relationship to this situation. YOUR patterns. YOUR healing. YOUR next steps.
The Questions I Will Answer
Instead of “What is my ex thinking?” ask me:
- What do I need to understand about this relationship?
- What patterns am I repeating that I need to break?
- What’s keeping me stuck, and how do I move forward?
- What do I need to heal from this?
- What am I learning about myself through this?
Instead of “Will my ex come back?” ask me:
- What would it mean for me if they did come back?
- What am I hoping a reunion would fix?
- What do I actually want in a relationship?
- Am I waiting for them because I love them, or because I’m scared of being alone?
Instead of “Does my ex still love me?” ask me:
- What does love look like to me?
- What did I learn about love from this relationship?
- How do I want to be loved going forward?
- What do I need to believe about myself to move on?
See the difference?
One set of questions keeps you powerless. Waiting for someone else to think about you, choose you, and validate you.
The other set gives you your power back. Puts the focus on what you CAN control: your own healing, your own patterns, your own growth, your own future.
What a Tarot Reading About Your Ex Actually Looks Like
When you book a tarot reading about your ex with me, here’s what we actually do:
We look at the relationship. What it was. What it meant. What you brought to it and what they brought to it. Not from the perspective of “who was right” or “who was wrong,” but from the perspective of “what happened here and what can I learn from it?”
We look at where you’re stuck. What beliefs are keeping you hooked. What stories you’re telling yourself. What hopes you’re clinging to that might be stopping you from healing.
We look at what you need to let go of. What you need to forgive (yourself or them or both). What you need to grieve.
And we look at what comes next. Not “will they come back,” but “what do you want your life to look like from here? What kind of relationship do you actually want? What do you need to work on in yourself so you can have that?”
That’s a tarot reading about your ex that actually helps you.
The Difference It Makes
I’ve done readings both ways. Back when I was still doing third-party readings, I’d tell people what the cards said about their ex. “They’re confused.” “They still think about you.” “They’re scared of commitment.” Whatever came up.
And you know what happened?
People left those readings feeling hopeful but stuck. They’d go away thinking “okay, so they’re just confused, I just need to give them time” or “they’re scared, but that means there’s still a chance.”
And then weeks or months later, they’d come back for another reading. Still stuck. Still waiting. Still hoping.
Now, when I do readings focused on the person in front of me, on THEIR healing and THEIR patterns and THEIR growth?
They leave with clarity. With direction. With things they can actually DO. They stop obsessing. They start healing. They move forward.
That’s the difference.
Why I Hold This Boundary
At the end of the day, here’s why I won’t do a tarot reading about your ex:
Because you can’t control whether your ex thinks about you. You can’t control whether they come back. You can’t control how they feel.
The only thing you can control is yourself. Your healing. Your growth. Your choices. Your future.
And I’d rather help you with that than feed a fantasy that keeps you stuck.
I’d rather disappoint you by saying no to a third-party reading than lie to you by pretending I can give you the answers you’re looking for.
I’d rather empower you to take control of your own life than keep you passive and waiting for someone else to choose you.
That’s my ethics. That’s my practice. That’s why I do tarot the way I do.
Where the Real Power Is
The truth is, you already know most of what a tarot reading about your ex would tell you.
You know if they’re thinking about you or not. You know if they’re likely to come back. You know how they feel.
You just don’t want to believe it. Or you’re scared of what it means. Or you’re hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’re wrong.
But deep down? You know.
And the real power isn’t in getting a tarot reader to confirm or deny what you already know. The real power is in accepting it. Grieving it. And then deciding what YOU’RE going to do about it.
That’s where tarot can actually help. Not by spying on your ex’s thoughts, but by helping you face the truth you already know and figure out what comes next.
If you’re ready for a tarot reading about your ex that puts you back in control, book here. Or check out the Romance Autopsy spread,it’s designed specifically for relationship clarity that focuses on your healing, not your ex’s mind.
